Earlier this year, I distanced myself from a toxic family member. They had said and done some hurtful things. I had told them some information in confidence, and they shared it. Then they used the information against me. None of this was new behavior, but I was finally at a place where I could recognize the patterns.
I made the choice to put space between us, not to hurt them, but to protect myself.
They sent me harassing messages. I blocked their phone number.
Then they started sending angry and inappropriate messages to my husband.
They manipulated my parents into organizing a face to face meeting where we would “work things out.”
I showed up at my dad’s house for this meeting, against my better judgement.
They physically assaulted me.
My husband’s words as we drove away were, “you will never see them again.” And I knew he was right, that was it. The end of any chance of reconciliation. I will not risk my safety or my family’s safety ever again.
I wanted to get a protective order, however, after consulting with HR, I was terrified that it would mean they would get fired from their job SINCE THEY RECENTLY STARTED WORKING IN THE SAME BUILDING ON THE SAME FLOOR AS ME.
If they lost their job, I knew that the blame would be placed squarely on me, and they would come after me, regardless of any protective order.
Although already unstable, my peace of mind has been seriously shaken by this. For the past four months, I have had to show up for work every day, knowing that there was a strong possibility that I would cross paths with this person. It has caused my relationship with my parents to be challenged. This incident changed a lot of things for me. It sent me into a tailspin of negativity and distrust. It has affected my sleep. It caused me to question and re-evaluate many of my memories and past experiences with my family.
I set a clear boundary with the distance I created at the beginning of this year. I let that boundary be destroyed and walked into a situation that I knew wasn’t healthy. I knew it wouldn’t end well, but I suppose I had hoped for a different outcome this time than what had played out repeatedly with this person in the past.
What are the lessons here?
Set clear boundaries.
Protect your boundaries.
Listen to your instincts.
Guard your mental and emotional health like the treasures they are.
Learn from my mistakes. I definitely have.
Sometimes I get lucky. It sounds too good to be true and I don’t want to jinx anything by putting it in writing, but I heard last week that this person is moving out of state in the next 30 days. This won’t undo the damage that has been done, but to say I’m relieved is an understatement. Looks like life might get a little easier in 2020.
A Life Reclaimed 